-your love

-your love

is powerful, instinctive, secure, selfless…

your love is the love that mends souls…

your love is the love that I need, you are what I need…

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-this too shall pass

-this too shall pass

a tear on my notebook from the night before…

a small reminder of what WAS

L.O.V.E.

L.O.V.E.

Love is learned.

love= possibilities… confidence… desire… gratitude… honesty… compassion… selfless.. empathy… encouraging… fearless… disappointing… curious… instinctive… hope… strength… passion… internal… patient… fulfilling… painful… egoless… experiences… commitment… respect… God… wholeness… a reflection of you

“Love yourself so that love will not be a stranger when it comes…”

-Jenifer Lewis

Living with anxiety and depression, oh and being bipolar…

Living with anxiety and depression, oh and being bipolar…

Dealing with my mental health is comparable I think to a game of seesaw… expect I’m the only person playing.

I mean, for the most part, I am pretty functional… no one knows what I deal with unless I choose to share with them… Most days it seems I’m just sitting and waiting for the next episode, and when it arrives it’s a constant fight of who’s going up and who’s going down…

Anxiety is having thoughts that I don’t want in my head running and running until they stumble from exhaustion. It’s feeling fearful and doubtful and self-loathing…

Depression is feeling completely useless, unworthy, and hopeless… no sense of ambition… just an emptiness that engulfs my entire being.

Being bipolar are those moments when I’m like sooo elated and like OMG, all this energy and I just want to daaaaance. LALALALA I’m so productive, look at me getting sh*t done. I’m just freaking AWEEESome. My mind is racing and like, I’m here and here and I’m there too. But then it’s over…… and I guess I’m okay… and I mean I’m chilling I guess, yawn.. blahh. I could go do something but… yeah probably not, I’ll just sit right here.

I can honestly say that my mental health has definitely improved and every day I am learning ways to manage myself. This journey has been lonely, frustrating, and confusing but don’t give up on yourself; no one can love you better than YOU… I can’t wait to share more, til next time 😉

ONE CUP OF DEPRESSION, PLEASE.

ONE CUP OF DEPRESSION, PLEASE.

World Mental Health Day

Shuntell's Blog

 

Why didn’t anyone notice that I went from the happy-go-lucky, class clown… weighing in at 140lbs…

…to a thin, fragile, self-pitying, insecure version of my self… dropping down to 120lbs..

The signs were there… weight loss, feelings of worthlessness, thoughts of suicide, persistent sadness, loss of interest in hobbies and friends. I simply felt discouraged and empty on a day to day basis. Some days I was more functional than others.. and the other days anxiety would tear me apart… even if it could only tear me down for 20 minutes, that was enough.

I’d often try to picture what happiness looked like. I’d look at other people and what they were doing. I tried to build my happiness on what society imaged as “happy”. I didn’t know what I know now. I failed and failed!! I failed at everything I was trying to become because it wasn’t who I was!

I’ve…

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#Random thoughts 9/25/18

#Random thoughts 9/25/18

I’ve been blessed with the gift of compassion and understanding. Thoughts, ideas, people, sights don’t brush the surface for me… they invade my mind and open a part of my soul.

They peak my curiosity and my desire to connect with the world around me.

I use to take it for granted and allowed conditioning to become who I was.

It’s definitely a blessing… but often viewed as a curse because everyone won’t get it… everyone isn’t at the point. Not at everyone notices the rainbow… but that doesn’t mean it it’s there and doesn’t mean its any less beautiful ❤️