i want to FEEL,
any way but this way…
i want to FEEL,
any way but this way…
World Mental Health Day
Why didn’t anyone notice that I went from the happy-go-lucky, class clown… weighing in at 140lbs…
…to a thin, fragile, self-pitying, insecure version of my self… dropping down to 120lbs..
The signs were there… weight loss, feelings of worthlessness, thoughts of suicide, persistent sadness, loss of interest in hobbies and friends. I simply felt discouraged and empty on a day to day basis. Some days I was more functional than others.. and the other days anxiety would tear me apart… even if it could only tear me down for 20 minutes, that was enough.
I’d often try to picture what happiness looked like. I’d look at other people and what they were doing. I tried to build my happiness on what society imaged as “happy”. I didn’t know what I know now. I failed and failed!! I failed at everything I was trying to become because it wasn’t who I was!
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I’ve been blessed with the gift of compassion and understanding. Thoughts, ideas, people, sights don’t brush the surface for me… they invade my mind and open a part of my soul.
They peak my curiosity and my desire to connect with the world around me.
I use to take it for granted and allowed conditioning to become who I was.
It’s definitely a blessing… but often viewed as a curse because everyone won’t get it… everyone isn’t at the point. Not at everyone notices the rainbow… but that doesn’t mean it it’s there and doesn’t mean its any less beautiful ❤️
I have long held that the most vital characteristic of leadership is integrity. Other?s including some who I greatly respect would say the most important characteristic of leadership is good judgment.
I have a hard time admitting I could be wrong about this. It does seem though that lots of people are willing to sacrifice integrity for what they think is judgment that more closely resembles their own.
But it is beginning to appear that those who believe judgment to be the most crucial leadership characteristic may be mistaken as well. That?s because empathy seems to be increasing in importance.
There are currently 462 million variations of the definition of leadership on Google. No matter which one you prefer they all have something to do with people. The definitions say something about motivating, encouraging, teaching, challenging, or building people. They talk about caring and making a difference in the lives…
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When you’re struggling within yourself…
It’s like being trapped in a tall glass.
You scream, hoping you’ll be heard .
You stand there with your arms up… waiting for someone to pull you out
……but no one comes, you are trapped.
Just you and yourself.
Now, you’re tired and your energy is gone. You slowly rot.
……because no one came???
But all the while… you, you were there.
When you lose yourself…
When you become unsure of yourself… When you become unsure of the company you keep…
It’s time… it’s time for solitude. Recapture yourself. You have to disconnect from the external noises… and PLUG YOURSELF INTO YOURSELF!!
That means it’s time to step away from the drugs, it’s time to step away from social media… and sometimes that includes family… sometimes that includes friends.
We have to nourish our mind, body, and soul… mind you the saying isn’t just “body”… it’s “MIND, BODY, AND SOUL”…
no one says it’ll be easy because it’s not… especially in our black community. We need better, we deserve better, the change starts from within yourself…
I am tired of seeing us run this cycle where we exclude our mental/emotional well being…