love me.

When you tell me you love me… mean it.

If you love me, you love all of me… the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Because it’s a fact that we aren’t perfect people… but that’s the beauty.

Love is understanding. Love is communicating. Love is giving. Love is forgiveness.

I want you to love on my intellect the same way you love on my body…

Caress my thoughts. Cradle my heart.

Look beyond my seductive eyes, my luscious lips, and my winding hips.

When you tell me you love me… mean it.

I Love You

Before I ever understood depression I always thought that it was a state of sadness, just another word for another emotion.

But actually experiencing depression first hand was more than I had imagined! I remember it starting around the age of 18 or 19. I try to think back on events to see what triggered it…

What I came up with is… I lacked the ability to love, trust, and believe in myself. So when things hit the fan and blew up in my relationships I spiraled!

I was hurt… I was betrayed… I was taken advantage of and it hurt me so bad that someone could treat me that way… specifically the person who told me, “I love you”…

My favorite movie!

“There are a lot of people in this world who have bad trouble. We happen to be three of those people. We could sit around the rest of our lives and live on that trouble and we’d get to where we’d have nothing else because we wanted nothing else.”

-Joe Tilford

FullSizeRender

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just finished watching my favorite movie, The Children’s Hour. Starring Audrey Hepburn, Shirley MacLaine, and James Garner. I have seen this movie so many times and enjoyed it… but never have I perceived it the way I did tonight. It is truly a good movie. I can only imagine living in such a time struggling with your identity and sexual orientation.

-Also, I love Audrey Hepburn ❤

Sleep

I should be asleep

Yet I am awake

Thinking about something

Thinking about nothing.

 

I should be asleep

But my pillow is damp

There are tears on my cheeks

My eyes are exhausted.

 

I should be asleep

I set my alarm for bed at 10PM

It is 1:25AM…

 

I should be asleep, but I can’t find my way there.

It is 1:26AM and I am awake.

I am sad, I am overwhelmed, I am anxious, I am frustrated!

 

Why when I crawl into bed do these thoughts come with me?

I  should be asleep.

 

 

Vision Board

I finally finished my vision board!

I was supposed to be done with my vision board in January… that didn’t happen.

But, I have finally completed my visual.

fullsizeoutput_36a

My board represents who I am, who I was, and who I want to be. I have several reminders and words than root deeper meanings within myself.

Continue below… I want to share a story.

When I was done pasting my words, I began to decorate my board. But then I stopped and looked at my board and it reminded me of my life… all these dreams and aspirations.

And then… there were the small, sparkly sequins I had begun to paste. But, they were no longer sparkly decorations.  They represented all the distractions that have held me back along my journey.

So… I peeled them all off. Had I followed my first mind not to even decorate, I wouldn’t have had to go through any of that trouble. But, we live and learn! That’s the greatest part of living… you still have a chance. Even if you screw up and don’t get it right today you still have the ability to try again and apply those lessons.

Plus! The decorations just add clutter and take away from my board, I think. I love simplicity. So that it is, simple. I am going to do a board of my favorite affirmations next. I find these activities to be a productive way to use your time, especially when you have free time to devote from escaping the negatives. ❤

 

 

Writing.

I freaking love to write!

There’s so much freedom in writing.

I mean really, you take a blank sheet of paper… and you start thinking, sometimes aloud. Then you start combining words and making these sentences… and you organize them in such a way that is so beautiful. Sometimes complicated and other times so delicate.

But either way, it’s beautiful. It’s you. It’s art. It’s expression of YOU.

If I hadn’t started writing… I don’t think I would know who I am. ,

I’ve discovered and unmasked so many questions about myself through writing. ❤

Seriously… it’s always been euphoric for me, no matter my mood. The minute I rest my mind and start writing I am at ease and nothing feels as bad as it did before I started writing. ❤