PROCRASTINATE MUCH??

Procrastination is a huge problem I face daily. The decision to do or not to do. In all the time it takes for me to procrastinate and keep throwing my agenda off track… I  could have been a famous writer or millionaire by now.. (wishful thinking)

Seriously! So much time just wasted.

I’m a dangerous procrastinator. I’m conscious of my procrastination… sooo I’ll negotiate myself “5 more minutes” here or “10 more minutes” there… The “snooze” button had become apart of my daily life… minus the actual button.

With all this self-realization/love and my anti-depression mission, I had to find a way to pretty much “outsmart” my brain. I had to put myself and my thoughts in motion.

Now unless you’re still getting spoon fed… you’re the only one who can put your thought and goals in motion. Once I found a way to dig my self out of depression and a take on anxiety… It was easier to see and deal with procrastination.

VISUALS are everything! WRITING is everything! lol…

Journaling is a big help, it’s a way that I can unclutter my brain and express myself.

Vision boards are helpful as well. It’s so much easier to stay on track of my goals and desires… A daily reminder!! I will share mine with you guys… as soon as I finish.

To-do lists. Calendars. Planners- daily, weekly, monthly… Walmart has the huge desk calendars…I love them!

Make notes! Sticky notes. Not so sticky notes.. just a simple notebook, where you can layout your day and the goals that need to be completed.

You will get thrown off course… which is understandable sometimes. We are simply imperfect beings. That doesn’t mean what we want to achieve out of life isn’t obtainable, that just means we have to keep pushing for self improvement.

So let’s get our priorities together today. Let’s get in motion!! It’s gonna be a great day! 🙂

Any thoughts??

One cup of depression, please. (cont.)

See… depression for me was the feeling/thought that I wasn’t good enough… It always had a way of drawing me in and reminding me… I wasn’t good enough to be loved. I wasn’t good enough to succeed.

That’s how I felt… so that’s what it was…

“I’M JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.”

Anxiety… LOL.

Anxiety… is the numbness in my arms and legs… It is the rapid beating of my heart, while I struggle to catch my breath… It is the tightening of my stomach… accompanied by a restless mind…

It hurts…

Imagine you are at war with yourself… where your own mind/self is what is holding you back.

“You’ve got to look in the mirror. You’ve got to see that something is wrong. You then have to make a choice…”

 

Can’t wait to share more soon! Thank you

Also, check out Part 1 of One cup of depression, please.

Goodbye.

STOP! Stop!

I don’t have the energy. I refuse to put in the time anymore to tell you what you’ve done.

“I thought you loved me.”  Started to be an everyday thing…

And… Yeah, unfortunately, I do.

BUT, I LOVE MYSELF MORE.

I can’t keep giving all this greatness away… and for what in return? To be your emotional pillow? Your emotional punching bag? “HA!”

See when I realized what it meant to be honest with myself… I realized I had to be honest with the people I love as well…

And our relationship… well, it never should have even happened… But at the time I needed you… (at least I thought)  I needed someone to make me feel whole and beautiful…

Because… I couldn’t do that on my own yet. I didn’t even know what I was capable of.

I was growing day after day, and of course, I wanted you to grow with me… I wanted you to be able to see your worth like I had found mine… I wanted us to grow and conquer…

But you weren’t ready… instead you wanted to keep me down… You couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t let you hold me anymore… You couldn’t understand why your kisses didn’t put me under your usual spell…

All that, “I love you, baby”… “Can I come see you”… that sh*t isn’t going to work this time around… The love I need you cannot give… You had your chance… You didn’t respect me or love me in the ways I now know I deserve.

And with all this self-love I have… I can finally say goodbye.

 

 

ONE CUP OF DEPRESSION, PLEASE.

 

Why didn’t anyone notice that I went from the happy-go-lucky, class clown… weighing in at 140lbs…

…to a thin, fragile, self-pitying, insecure version of my self… dropping down to 120lbs..

 

The signs were there… weight loss, feelings of worthlessness, thoughts of suicide, persistent sadness, loss of interest in hobbies and friends. I simply felt discouraged and empty on a day to day basis. Some days I was more functional than others.. and the other days anxiety would tear me apart… even if it could only tear me down for 20 minutes, that was enough.

I’d often try to picture what happiness looked like. I’d look at other people and what they were doing. I tried to build my happiness on what society imaged as “happy”. I didn’t know what I know now. I failed and failed!! I failed at everything I was trying to become because it wasn’t who I was!

I’ve always been labeled “weird” for thinking outside the box. I’m weird because I am myself? I never felt anything I did was “weird”… different but definitely not weird…

I had been conditioned… by the world and people around me to keep my voice hidden. I was conditioned to be “normal”… Graduate high school, go to college, get a job, make a lot of $$$, get married, have kids. Well, G GOLLY… that all sounds nice buuuuut… that’s not everyone’s goal nor purpose in life… I was reaching for a future that wasn’t my own. I was only 19. I didn’t even know myself yet… I didn’t know who I was supposed to be yet or what I was supposed to do here.

I was living life in a not so lively way… I was coasting, doing enough to get by in life and stay alive. The emotions were so real… I felt every emotion like a ton of bricks.. heartbreak, failure, self-pity… It all felt the same and it all hurt me the same. I wanted to give up every day and just coast through life. BUT I DIDN’T… It took so much trial and error before I could see the bigger picture…

I’m going to stop right here today and continue in another post… Please always feel free to comment.

 

Click below to continue reading!!

One cup of depression, please. (cont.)

broken.

“When two people are broken when they meet, they aren’t looking for someone to make them better. They just want to connect with someone who doesnt expect them to be anything other than broken.” 

I found this quote on Twitter… I liked it because I could definitely relate to feeling “broken”… and just wanting to “connect” with someone… Someone who could see I was broken and fragile, but still beautiful.

What message did you take from this quote?