the pained body

the pained body

Every pain I’ve had I’m still holding onto, as if the pain were pleasure.

The familiarity of it must be what feels so good… the one thing that remains constant.


-this too shall pass

-this too shall pass

a tear on my notebook from the night before…

a small reminder of what WAS

Living with anxiety and depression, oh and being bipolar…

Living with anxiety and depression, oh and being bipolar…

Dealing with my mental health is comparable I think to a game of seesaw… expect I’m the only person playing.

I mean, for the most part, I am pretty functional… no one knows what I deal with unless I choose to share with them… Most days it seems I’m just sitting and waiting for the next episode, and when it arrives it’s a constant fight of who’s going up and who’s going down…

Anxiety is having thoughts that I don’t want in my head running and running until they stumble from exhaustion. It’s feeling fearful and doubtful and self-loathing…

Depression is feeling completely useless, unworthy, and hopeless… no sense of ambition… just an emptiness that engulfs my entire being.

Being bipolar are those moments when I’m like sooo elated and like OMG, all this energy and I just want to daaaaance. LALALALA I’m so productive, look at me getting sh*t done. I’m just freaking AWEEESome. My mind is racing and like, I’m here and here and I’m there too. But then it’s over…… and I guess I’m okay… and I mean I’m chilling I guess, yawn.. blahh. I could go do something but… yeah probably not, I’ll just sit right here.

I can honestly say that my mental health has definitely improved and every day I am learning ways to manage myself. This journey has been lonely, frustrating, and confusing but don’t give up on yourself; no one can love you better than YOU… I can’t wait to share more, til next time 😉

#Random thoughts 9/25/18

#Random thoughts 9/25/18

I’ve been blessed with the gift of compassion and understanding. Thoughts, ideas, people, sights don’t brush the surface for me… they invade my mind and open a part of my soul.

They peak my curiosity and my desire to connect with the world around me.

I use to take it for granted and allowed conditioning to become who I was.

It’s definitely a blessing… but often viewed as a curse because everyone won’t get it… everyone isn’t at the point. Not at everyone notices the rainbow… but that doesn’t mean it it’s there and doesn’t mean its any less beautiful ❤️



When you’re struggling within yourself…background blur bottle bright

It’s like being trapped in a tall glass.

You scream, hoping you’ll be heard .

You stand there with your arms up… waiting for someone to pull you out

……but no one comes, you are trapped.


Stuck standing there; mouth wide open, arms up, screaming at the top of your lungs “HELP!!!

Just you and yourself.

Now, you’re tired and your energy is gone. You slowly rot.

……because no one came???

But all the while… you, you were there.







As a woman, you’re expected to carry everyone’s shit and not complain… God forbid if you cry about.

Why is that okay? Who says it’s okay?

Ladies, you are invincible. You are wonderful. Your looks do not define you. Your job does not define you. Your marital status does not define. Your kids do not define you. Your wealth does not define you. Your lack of does not define you.

YOU DEFINE YOU. You have the power to choose who you are. You can’t choose how a person views you. But you can choose who you are and what you represent…

So that leaves the question who are you? And who aren’t you? Who will you become… who won’t you become? ❤