Living with anxiety and depression, oh and being bipolar…

Living with anxiety and depression, oh and being bipolar…

Dealing with my mental health is comparable I think to a game of seesaw… expect I’m the only person playing.

I mean, for the most part, I am pretty functional… no one knows what I deal with unless I choose to share with them… Most days it seems I’m just sitting and waiting for the next episode, and when it arrives it’s a constant fight of who’s going up and who’s going down…

Anxiety is having thoughts that I don’t want in my head running and running until they stumble from exhaustion. It’s feeling fearful and doubtful and self-loathing…

Depression is feeling completely useless, unworthy, and hopeless… no sense of ambition… just an emptiness that engulfs my entire being.

Being bipolar are those moments when I’m like sooo elated and like OMG, all this energy and I just want to daaaaance. LALALALA I’m so productive, look at me getting sh*t done. I’m just freaking AWEEESome. My mind is racing and like, I’m here and here and I’m there too. But then it’s over…… and I guess I’m okay… and I mean I’m chilling I guess, yawn.. blahh. I could go do something but… yeah probably not, I’ll just sit right here.

I can honestly say that my mental health has definitely improved and every day I am learning ways to manage myself. This journey has been lonely, frustrating, and confusing but don’t give up on yourself; no one can love you better than YOU… I can’t wait to share more, til next time 😉

6.6.18#trapped

6.6.18#trapped

When you’re struggling within yourself…background blur bottle bright

It’s like being trapped in a tall glass.

You scream, hoping you’ll be heard .

You stand there with your arms up… waiting for someone to pull you out

……but no one comes, you are trapped.

 

Stuck standing there; mouth wide open, arms up, screaming at the top of your lungs “HELP!!!

Just you and yourself.

Now, you’re tired and your energy is gone. You slowly rot.

……because no one came???

But all the while… you, you were there.

 

 

-<3SM

 

5.25#lost&found

5.25#lost&found

When you lose yourself…
When you become unsure of yourself… When you become unsure of the company you keep…

It’s time… it’s time for solitude. Recapture yourself. You have to disconnect from the external noises… and PLUG YOURSELF INTO YOURSELF!!

That means it’s time to step away from the drugs, it’s time to step away from social media… and sometimes that includes family… sometimes that includes friends.

We have to nourish our mind, body, and soul… mind you the saying isn’t just “body”… it’s “MIND, BODY, AND SOUL”…

no one says it’ll be easy because it’s not… especially in our black community. We need better, we deserve better, the change starts from within yourself…

I am tired of seeing us run this cycle where we exclude our mental/emotional well being…

5.25#pursuitofhappiness

5.25#pursuitofhappiness

I really hate that people would rather you sit in what you consider unhappiness… by means of just making it in this crazy world and doing what society expects you to do/be. Rather than being happy and pursuing your happiness… because that’s when you truly thrive.

SM<3

5.25#women

5.25#women

As a woman, you’re expected to carry everyone’s shit and not complain… God forbid if you cry about.

Why is that okay? Who says it’s okay?

Ladies, you are invincible. You are wonderful. Your looks do not define you. Your job does not define you. Your marital status does not define. Your kids do not define you. Your wealth does not define you. Your lack of does not define you.

YOU DEFINE YOU. You have the power to choose who you are. You can’t choose how a person views you. But you can choose who you are and what you represent…

So that leaves the question who are you? And who aren’t you? Who will you become… who won’t you become? ❤

5.9#Self-doubt

5.9#Self-doubt

Today, I just want to tell self-doubt to kiss my @#*…

…So, wait am I telling myse…. NEVERMIND, jajajajajaja..

LOL, thoughts that keep telling me I can’t do something before I even try!

Thoughts that tell me why I shouldn’t try out my ideas.

The fear that lives inside of my own mind…

Today you can kiss my @#*!

I’m putting my best foot foward and rocking all the way.

I am going to try these ideas in my head. I’m gonna put them forth and risk it.

Either I will succed or either I will fail… but either way I have so much to gain ❤