5.9#Self-doubt

Today, I just want to tell self-doubt to kiss my @#*…

…So, wait am I telling myse…. NEVERMIND, jajajajajaja..

LOL, thoughts that keep telling me I can’t do something before I even try!

Thoughts that tell me why I shouldn’t try out my ideas.

The fear that lives inside of my own mind…

Today you can kiss my @#*!

I’m putting my best foot foward and rocking all the way.

I am going to try these ideas in my head. I’m gonna put them forth and risk it.

Either I will succed or either I will fail… but either way I have so much to gain ❤

5.3#ExFactor

Who would have guessed…

It almost feels like I’m watching a movie, and as I stop and replay I can’t help but be curious.

Was this your intention?

To clothe yourself in sweet nectar…

To tempt me like a wild, honey bee?

Did you intend to deceive me?….

How long have you been writing these lies? They taste so sweet on your tongue.

I bet it was like stealing candy from a baby.

#5/1

Someone asked a question… “Why be on the ‘side that believes'”… as far as faith and prayer.

…Why not?

Faith and prayer are where I am the happiest, most honest version of myself…  where I find mindfulness, trust, kindness, and love. Where I am able to free my mind from abusive thoughts.

Believing gave me the strength and confidence I needed to tell myself I was depressed; however, that was not how I choose to live.

It’s the realist most natural thing I’ve ever felt… because that faith is me, the prayer is me. It’s all apart of me. It’s me and the potential I could be.

The faith is me believing that I will make intentional choices that are in my best interest and that when I don’t, I can trust myself to learn and apply the lesson later in my life. Do better the next time. Excel the next time. Be more aware and mindful.

The prayer isn’t a wish list, that you type up and send. It’s your voice within, speaking aloud. Let it speak. It has something to say but we fear those words. What could asking for help and wisdom from someone we can’t see do for me?? It can do a lot. Especially when there’s faith in your words. Because that someone you’re speaking to is you. And you reflect that image in your actions.

And we can’t forget to put into the world what we want in return.

As much as I want to continue I have to go. Have a good morning 🙂

Open to thoughts and opinions, feel free to comment.

4.27#Change

Everyday you get up, you have the chance to fight AGAIN!

Whatever the problem was yesterday… TODAY you have been blessed with the kiss of life.

Do better, be better! And you can’t be afraid.

You can’t be afraid to say “Hey, I don’t like this. I want to change this. How do I change it? How do I help myself?”

Ego​

People confuse confidence and ego.

Ultimately your ego is the self-image that you want others to believe. You could also say there’s something you’re trying to prove to yourself that you may not know exists.  We tend to feed our ego with superficial and we build our confidence with truth.

The way I see it with your ego there’s no growth, just what you think should be… you don’t open yourself to possibilities and you’re not honest. You feed the need we all have to belong with validation of your popularity, money, car, image, etc… these things are all superficial. We think these are the things we need to be happy and fulfilled but those are just the distractions from the real happenings. What good do they do when the real truths still arise and manifests themselves in the form of a different obstacle/conflict/circumstance/relationship…..??

But with confidence, you’re able to grow and you grow outside of what you know and you open yourself up to knowledge, growth, and experiences. Confidence includes taking risks and being vulnerable at times. That’s where real confidence comes from. And the more we practice these things the more our confidence is built. Things become a little less difficult because we are more certain and aware of ourselves ❤

 

I miss my dad.

I’ve never said those words before tonight.

But I knew one day I would. Just not tonight…

I was just sitting in bed. Thinking:

“what can i do”

“what do i do in the meantime”

“how can i be the best version of me”…

And then with all my pride, I opened my mouth I asked God aloud “How can I serve you? Help me to be who I need to be.”

And then it started… I started thinking about my dad. I started to think about the reality of my relationship with my father… it had been nonexistent for years… just complete silence.

And now more than anything, I wish he was here.

 

I wish we hadn’t been stuck in our egos and had just shown each other the love we both deserved…

I asked and I was given. As I took the time to just let myself unravel I thought to myself…

Is this apart of the process?? Is this something that I needed because I had been filled with such resentment and was unconscious for so long and never realized it? Was God telling me to love? to give love and also RECIEVE IT… because honestly, I haven’t been.

❤ ❤

When it’s the right time God will show you your true self… and what you do with that truth is up to you.